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The Walrus Said

Well I have officially lost my mind. Unfortunately my misplacement has occurred before the hole I intended to crawl into was deep enough for obscurity, and all I can say is darn, darn, darn!

Okay, okay, now that I have gotten that out of the way, perhaps I better just keep on keeping on, because upon contemplation, I find the alternative completely unacceptable…..sigh, sigh, sigh. and double darn.

 

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Break the Surface

Do you ever have days where it feels like if just one more small drop of stress gets added to your life you are just going to spill out over the edges and make a mess of things?

Well today has been one of those days. So I am hiding, avoiding, pretending not to exist.

It began yesterday, no it was Tuesday, and a day of discovery, of deflation, of difficult revelations to ponder it was, much to my chagrin. For as I was praying in the early morning quiet, I was ever so sweetly blind sided by God. You see, I appear to have been focusing on heaven on earth as my desire, rather than taking the long view of eternity. Thus He made me aware that my entreaties for the salvation of unbelieving family and friends have been prompted by what they, and let’s be honest, myself, could gain from their receiving His saving grace here on earth.  

I mean wow, how shallow, how on the surface, is my faith I have to ask. Do I honestly not take the notion of heaven and hell seriously? Hum….for I can see how my focus has truly been the seeking of the tranquility and comfort that comes from residing in Christ. He is the calm in the eye of the storm of stress that is my life, and the notion of my loved ones spending an eternity apart from Him, in a void without love, suffering in hell, just does not bring about peaceful easy feelings, and it should not.

I then have to add to this the unwelcome, yet trivial in comparison, realization that I have such physical limitations. I thought I had improved. It seemed like I was getting so much done. I mean the motivation was there, it is not always, and the opportunity or time was there, it is not always, but right after the crushing blow regarding the self centered nature of my faith, I was then made aware that not only was I not getting more done, for what I was accomplishing was just different, not also, or in addition too, nothing had changed, or improved but my desire for change, and that the limitations are still, and will always be, hanging around….sigh. But really God I could have waited for this one on a different day. Why the double whammy?

What has this got to do with anything, and why am I sharing it? Good question. Perhaps I just felt compelled to write tonight and this is what is on my mind. Perhaps it was only for me to see how insignificant the issue of my physical well being is when compared with the state of my spiritual well being, and the double dose of sorrow I believed he gave me was in reality a gift of kindness and perspective. Perhaps it is purely self indulgence on the loose. Perhaps it is nothing. What ever it is, I do know this, I am not special, I am ordinary, and if I am having this quandary others are too, it is not new or unheard of, and has been around forever, and I find that belonging, being one with the multitudes, a very comforting notion.

However, most importantly, God does not demand perfection. He loves me as I am and His sacrificial death has covered my multitude of sins, and as He has stated: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 

How can I despair and give up when I am loved this way, and I pray that He will teach me to love this way too, to care, to share, to break the surface on purpose and pour myself out. To get to that place where I only look up to heaven, rather than down to myself. I also know that no matter how pitiful and dim this little light of mine is flickering, the Lord can use it for good. Even if I cannot comprehend the how of it.

Blessings Belinda

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Daybook 15

October 20th

Goodness:

  • Today was a granbabies birthday. He is five. Much fun!
  • I reached a 30 pound milestone in my weight loss journey!
  • We had FaceTime with my baby!

Sadness:

  • I celebrated much too much with the cake and ice cream..sigh
  • It is hot again…blah
  • The escapee is devouring my garden…grrrr
  • The restless unsettled beast is occupying my brain again….help!

 ❤️ Blessings Belinda

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Newest Window

Sweet Anticipation ❤️

emily2jane

My newest window is for my nephew’s 9th birthday present. I told him to choose anything and he choose Pokemon! I have never dabbled in drawing Pokemon and this is new for me.

At first I didn’t know how I felt about the design, or even just the start of how it looked.

This is about 1 1/2 hours into the painting… But as I kept adding more and more colors my views changed…

About 30 min later
I wouldn’t ever think to do Pokemon but because the characters are so vibrant it is perfect for me and how I paint! One brush dipped into every color; painting with 20 colors simultaneously…not any one object is a single color.

So many colors!! 😊 How I left the painting today. To get this far it only took about 5 hours.

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Gratitude

For the past month, more or less, I have been trying to give the habit of gratitude some intention. Unfortunately I have come to the conclusion that possibly I am sheltering behind a sense of being outwardly grateful, rather than being truly and deeply grateful.

For I find, that by holding onto old dreams and desires, which given today’s circumstances are ever so impractical, I am blocking my view of reality, and thus blinding myself to the abundance of goodness actually available all around.

It is a clumsy and unfulfilling state of being I must say, because sadly, as I am sitting here, quite safe and sound, well fed and warm, in my quite comfortable chair, typing away on my quite nice iPad, which is connected to some quite nice high speed internet, and feeling quite fully satisfied in general, gratitude should be flowing in abundance, not a trickle.

Therefore, I have decided it would be best to give the past it’s freedom, a rest, and just go with the flow, because it is time you see, time to let go of what could, or should have been, for reals, and instead free float on the breezes, and see where life drifts me.

However, I don’t think I will be able to achieve a lasting lift off unless I give my defunct baggage the old heave ho, and replace it with a buoyancy and lightness of being, which, what do you know, just so happens to be a byproduct of a grateful heart.

Thankfully I do know this, that as long as I hold fast to: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life, gratitude will never be in short supply, and all will be right with my soul regardless……sigh, so sweet.

❤️Blessings Belinda

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Escapee

Why do I have to be faced with this dilemma? Do I cage her above the ground in a small but protected space, or do I let her roam free and unfettered, to fully enjoy her existence, even if it might possibly shorten that selfsame existence?

No wait, I must be honest, there is really only one answer which is acceptable to me, it is only the inevitable outcome of my choice that I am dreading. You see Bat Bunny has decided to expand her borders. This is truly not a safe thing for her to do, for there is no dog out here in the front yard to chase away any possible predators looking for a snack, or new pet.

She has been on the loose for days now, never going beyond the unfenced perimeter of the house, perhaps it is that she does not want to wonder off too far, away from her burrow and those that care for her. However, knowing absolutely nothing about the proclivity of rabbits, this is only my hopeful conjecture, or just perhaps, this is all only a sad sad case of personification run amuck….sigh

Blessings Belinda

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