Lately I have been finding prayer difficult and stumbling. For as I call upon the Lord with the desires of my heart, and I truly want these thing for His glory, or at least I believe I do, I realize that they are also for my personal satisfaction. So then I question whether or not I am being sincere with my prayers, or whether I am being manipulative asking for something because it will bring God glory, while simultaneously wanting it for myself.
Of course then I realize that God knows my deepest thoughts and hidden secrets, so thinking I could manipulate Him is laughable. The thing is, I am being sincere, as best as I can consciously tell, and all of this doubt has me stumbling around, second guessing everything.
Then with the help of the Holy Spirit, it occurred to me that perhaps what is happening here is that my desires have lined up with God’s, and what I am desiring is because I want it too, and not because of intentional obedience. I cannot remember ever being here before, and all I can say is how sweet it is; what joy there is in this alignment!
Of course being me, I could not just leave this joy alone, no I needed to dig in and see what could have caused this much desired change, and I think it comes from just one small adjustment in my walk with the Lord. I put obedience before trust.
Obedience grows trust. Trust provides peace. Peace provides humility.
Humility: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance or rank.
So if I have peace it is because I am resting under the cover of God’s protection. He then becomes the most important thing in my life. Thus why wouldn’t I want to submit to His will and bring Him glory?
This has not happened easily for me. I have spent too many wasted years looking for trust before I would obey, not knowing that through obedience first, I would learn to let go of my pride, my fear, myself.
For not once when obeying with blind faith, has the Lord let me crash and burn. I can trust Him without fail. I just needed to get my alignment right and willingly submit to His wisdom.
We sing: Trust and obey, there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Why not: Obey and trust, there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to obey and trust.
Yes, it doesn’t sound right to our ears, but that’s what blind obedience sometimes is, doing the thing that seems out of whack to our limited senses, just because God told us to; for He is always right, and always will be.
Obedience comes easier now with trust, and in obedience I can align myself, my desires, to His will, which brings peace, rest, and an absence of fear, and when this happens, I can with complete trust, surrender my all to Him.
So now when He says trust Me, I can only hope to have finally given up on the hard road of self-reliance and pain, and instead will follow Him without hesitation down the paths of His leading, to the joy.