Something Finished

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Today I picked the last of the garden for dinner. And it is satisfying to bring the 2019 fruit and veggie harvest to a close.

The ever increasing cost of water, and the plentiful inexpensive produce here in California is having me question whether I will put in the time and effort again next year?

Blessings Belinda

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50:29 Fashion

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50:29 Fashion Opinions

I was just going to let this one go. I don’t mind things being incomplete, so getting to the end of this list at 50:49 would be satisfying to me in its flawed kind of way.

However, I do have opinions about what I wear, what I like and dislike for myself, but I had let them go by the wayside and focused instead on the necessities of family. This was a deliberate choice on my part, to have my treasures be people not things, and I would make the same choice again if I had a do over.

Additionally, if I am honest with myself, I was so frightened and unhappy when outside of the confines of my safe zone, my home, that I was striving for invisibility. And nothing is more invisible than an overweight poorly dressed middle aged woman. My costume worked, I excelled at it actually.

Well, after losing my job this year, I was finally and completely freed me from the last piece of the past from which I wanted to hide.

I still don’t follow current fashions, I prefer to make up my own, and clothes shopping has continued to be one of my least desired things to do, but I am having such fun with all the fabric and vintage patterns I recently inherited, for I can now experiment to my hearts content without concern for cost.

I also realized as I was thinking about this question that there have been too many times in the past that I have let “not having anything to wear” keep me from either going, or going with joy, to church and other activities were I wanted to belong. It was not because it matters what I wear to church, but because I was hiding behind my clothing, not being myself, thus I felt false, deceptive, and this made it difficult to be natural and open.

So it really shouldn’t surprise me that one of the first things I did as I began to swim to the surface of the deep dark pool I was hiding in, was to buy myself some crazy socks. They could still be hidden, but I knew they were there just waiting to burst forth.

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Regardless of why I let my clothing choices be what they were, I am thankful that I did let them go for a season of my life. For during that season the Lord was working on my heart, changing it into one that loves the Lord God with her all and all. He is my beauty and my strength. My outer adornment is for fun and adventure, it is not who I am inside, nor does it give me my self worth.

It is Jesus that shines forth and glows, Jesus I will not hide, the last thing I would want is for Him to be invisible in me.

Blessings Belinda

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing of gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person in the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 1Peter 3:3-4

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11/9/19 Beauty

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I am constantly bowled over by the loveliness of creation. It cannot be captured or adequately describe, but rather must be experienced first hand.

I am brought up short by it, and my heart begins to ache with longing for the Lord.

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The violets are blooming. Today I need to take the time to pick them so that I can inhale their heavenly scent throughout the night, throughout the darkness, and remember what is to come.

Lord, today I thank you for the reminders you have provided for us, living promises of your goodness and glory.

“For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.“ ~Psalm 107:9

 

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50:28 Meeting a Stranger

Years ago I wrote this silly talk about myself. Thankfully emptiness no longer hangs on my bones. I am Spirit filled.

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Once there was this man named Sammy, he was a shy man, a fearful man, a recalcitrant man. Sammy was so afraid of life that he decided to pretend to be someone else, for you see, that gave him invisibility powers.

So Sammy feigned confidence and panache. All the while tempting fate, with his carelessness and daredevil behavior; to perhaps intervene and end his suffering. Because, as most do not know, invisibility is voracious, and bite by bite it eats the hand that feeds it, until there is nothing left but bone structure to hang the emptiness upon.

During Sammy’s foray into recklessness, the only thing that gave him pause were the three most dreaded words in the universe, “Are you sure?” Their power to unmask even the wildest schemer, to reveal the false bravado of the timid, was to be avoided at all costs. Therefore to lessen the risk of exposure, Sammy withdrew to a private world of his own making.

Dwelling in this insulated cocoon of silence initiated reconstruction of the poor lost man’s confidence, causing invisibility to slowly slip into a pool at his feet, consequently exposing Sammy to himself. Unfortunately they did not recognize each other, and to this day, neither one is sure what to do about it.

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50:27 Frequently asked Question

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themomfred?

themomfred came about when I began my entry into the virtual world of cyberspace, where usernames are required. It seemed innocuous at the time. However as time moved on it became offensive to me. It was a stark reminder of how adrift and floundering I let my sense of self become. I had let myself be lost, under crushing responsibility, undivided love, and fear.

I had hidden myself so well that even I couldn’t find the Belinda that was. I had become solely The mom of the Freds. My children become my only purpose in life and this needed to change. For what a burden it is to be loved so intensely and single-minded, to be the reason for another’s happiness and well being. Only God can carry this for you, thus I had made my children my god.

Well, God is good and He has drawn me back to Himself. The more I learn about Him the more I discover about myself. That is not to say all is perfect and complete. No, I am still adrift and floundering, and not at all sure of my place in this world. But I came to realize that I am a new creation, the old me was surely gone for good, so I stopped looking for her. Instead I begun the hard work of putting aside fear, and have reached out towards the present me who has put the Lord where He belongs, first in her heart.

So recently when I was considering changing my blog name, I hesitated and did not, because it is my Ebeneezer. My reminder that Christ is my all in all, and can handle the burden of me, and most importantly, wants to. Additionally, it has given me a healthy embracing love to give my children, instead of a smothering needy sucking black hole that crushes anyone or thing that comes close to its closed system.

Rather, love is infinite and unique, the more I give away, the more I let others love me, the more I have. How gloriously exciting it must be for God to love the whole world.

Blessings Belinda

“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” ~Philippians 1:9-11~

 

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50:26 Obituary AKA Reconciled

It has been more than five months since this question brought me to a dead stop and began rumbling around in my mind. What would I want to be said of me when I have been taken home to walk His streets of gold and lovingkindness?

Today the answer finally arrived:

The Love of Christ Compels Her

So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:1-9

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Bloom where you are planted. For even if you are seen as a weed of little value, with the proper perspective, you increase the beauty of creation when you let the light of the Lord shine forth to be a contrast to those around you.

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Blessed Be

If at all possible, I try to start my risings with praises and thanksgiving to our glorious Lord, and with a renewed desire to live out this additional day He has given me to His glory.

Well, I am an over thinker, and I frequently feel overwhelmed with the idea that I need to do great things to accomplish this, while thinking what could little me do that is worthy of Him. Something worthy that would adequately express my love. It was seemingly impossible.

I know, I know, we are given our faith through grace, not works. This is not what I mean. Because of this grace, I wanted to give God the glory He is due. To live from the bottom of my soul to His glory. As if this would justify my existence……sigh not good.

This morning being the awesome wonderful loving God that He is, He told me to relax, to chill, it is not about me, and it is not impossible or difficult, but rather to slow down, look around, notice His goodness, and be thankful.

Wow! What a life changer. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.” ~2 Corinthians 4:15~

Our thanksgiving brings glory to God.

Be thankful today.

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Roses take effort, but when they bloom it falls away and is forgotten, like an old path once a new one is forged through obedience, humility, and the grace of God.

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