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My Baby’s Gone

 

We took him off to school last weekend in a mad dash rush, and now his absence is being felt by all. We took him for granted most of the time, for he was quiet and elusive. However at the same time, he was also available. He would drop what he was doing, and come lend a helping hand, or even take on the entire task himself. He has such a servant’s heart. Yes, he would deny such a thing emphatically, for recognition is not what he seeks, and I have discovered that the worst thing you could do, is to draw attention to him (like I am now, hehehe, but he doesn’t read this so I am safe).

So, it seems that I lost my train of thought when I paused to think about the Shoe Cobblers Brownies, and how if you thanked them they disappeared, and now alas, I cannot seem to get back to my original intent. I had somehow meant to wax eloquently of the photo above, which was taken along with his formal senior portrait, and sigh….is it not a photo for a mother to love. About how, in my limited experience, the change which happens the first semester away at college runs deep and irreversible. It is not a bad change, it is a good and wanted change. It is just that they are never your baby, your child, again. An independent adult man will come and visit me at Christmas.

And before you think that he is a so sweet and even tempered that he makes your teeth hurt, I must also insert the photo below, which in actuality, displays much more of his true nature, and now that I reflect, perhaps the Brownie analogy wouldn’t have been too far off base, because truly, a devilish imp is he, for sure and for certain.

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Falling Leaves

Today I am feeling so very very thankful, but I cannot seem to retrieve my words, so I will borrow some from myself¬†and repost this from last fall, even if it is not quite November yet. Besides I am holding on to the hope that my thoughts will unjumble sooner rather than later, or at least by Thanksgiving. Would not that be lovely and apt, and really is there such a thing as too much gratitude. Perhaps I will try to focus on gratitude between now and Christmas…..hum….what better gift could I give to those I love than a new and improved attitude, Yep! ūüėä

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I am such an Eeyore. Thankfully, I am surrounded by Tiggers that won’t let me get into a completely hopeless state. Gosh darn it but they love to make sure I have some bouncy fun whether I want it or not; gotta love um. Anyway, it’s finally fall around here, what we like to call two shirt weather, which means it is time to be grateful. I don’t know why this happens to me with the falling of the leaves, but it does, so this year I have decided to bullet¬†it and see where it takes me.

  • A new mattress, lots of comfy pillows and a warm blanket. My achy¬†bones really appreciate this, but on a daily basis I don’t give them a whole lot of thought, that is until I see someone sleeping on a bench, shivering without them. A bit of advice, don’t try and sneak up and cover a sleeping individual on the sly, you will scare the heck out of them, make some noise and announce your intentions.
  • A walk-able commute. Knowing that if my questionable automobile gives up the ghost, I will not have to rush into a replacement. Having this window of time saves me money and stress, and for that I am grateful.
  • A good toilet. Really I mean it, think about it, there are eight people using it daily, and if it doesn’t flush…..well enough said.
  • The ability to purchase well-made shoes. I spent too many years in dirt cheap cardboard shoes that have caused lasting damage to my feet and knees, so I am grateful daily that I now have the funds to pamper my feet.
  • Strong coffee.
  • Sharp Tools. I do not have them, but I would really be grateful if I did.
  • That my family appreciates the value of the correct tool for the job and are willing to sacrifice personal luxuries to have them.
  • Clean dirt. If you know what I mean, you understand.
  • Rainbows during a storm or other such reminders of the goodness of God.
  • Clean hair and teeth. Perhaps this is really the use of a bathroom whenever I want, for however long I want. This is a real luxury I can’t imagine being without.
  • Underwear that fit. Come on be honest, how many times have you suffered through poor fitting undergarments because darn it¬†you paid for them and you are going to get your moneys worth. Getting it right and not to tight is something to be grateful for.
  • A working clothes dryer. I love to line dry my laundry, the way it smells of sunshine, the crispness. I sure do miss my clothes line since we moved, however I do not miss hanging out mountains of socks and underwear for a family of seven in the dead cold of winter when the option of a dryer is gone, but if you ever need to learn how to quick dry underwear in the microwave I’m your source.
  • Chickens that eat the table scraps. Nothing is ever wasted, therefore it removes the pressure to clean your plate and gain some weight.
  • Refilled soap dispensers and toilet paper holders. I think this has to be a universal thankfulness that we are all guilty of not fulfilling. If you do, bless you, you’re a saint. I really mean this, if you have the ability to always do as you should, you are my hero.
  • My large and heroic family who knows all my peculiarities, but loves me anyway.
  • I know this is long, I just got carried away, but the thing I am really most thankful for is that God has provided me and mine with an abundance of all that is good, and by doing so He has given us a treasured gift, the ability to give some away.
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Day Book 14

Today I want to run away from home…sigh. However I don’t think it will be anymore successful than it was at ten. For I would load up my big white van named Bessie and mosey on down the street to places unknown, feeling oh so very adventurous, but then I suppose¬†I would very quickly come to the realization¬†that I really don’t want to sleep anywhere but in my own soft and fan blown bed. Also, let’s not forget the need of a good clean flushing toilet, with toilet paper of course, and then I would need to wash up, and baby wipes get old real fast; sticky too. So I perhaps¬†it would end¬†just the same as it did¬†then, and I would come back dejected and defeated once the P B and J ran out.

Today though, fortunately, I feel that it would be safe to assume that, unlike then, someone would miss me this time, and that is what holds me here, the love, the caring, the being needed as well as wanted. So I must pause in my pondering, and interject that for those things, the love, needs, and cares, I would sleep anywhere, and be dirty, and cold, and hungry, and when you look at it that way, I have it made in the shade.

I best go unpack my bags.

Blessings Belinda

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Day Book 13

Well there is not much to say¬†today. Perhaps for those who put credence in the bad luck of the number 13, you would shrug and murmur what else could I have expected.¬†However, there has not been much to say for many days, and I am beginning to suspect that my prior cup runneth over months of having the words begging for escape, was possibly enabled by medication. Sigh….so sad. Not sad enough to continue pill popping just to have a bit of¬†motivation, to perhaps be a bit more productive.

Still sigh……I have to admit that I do now and then, miss having the occasional coherent and linear thought…..heavy, heavy, sigh.

Well that was the bad for today, so now it is time for something good. Perhaps I will play with the daily prompt and sandwich some goodness between two bads, or perhaps not. It all depends on where this rambling post leads me, and as it seems fractured thoughts are are to be the norm, I find myself led to a bullet list.

So a few good things as of late:

  • I have started a fitness plan that is comprised of lists and plans which so suits me that I have lost 23 pounds. My goal is to lose no more than 1-2 pounds a week and not be hungry. Guess what! It is working. Now I do realize that in the past when I have told others of my intent to do something, it was a sure fire way to ensure its demise, but with this being my 13th day book post and all, I am going to¬†go ahead and¬†risk it.
  • ????

I was interrupted, delightfully so, by a constant stream of children and grandchildren who desired my attention towards whatever they had to share of their day, and have therefore, completely lost whatever slim train of thought I was tentatively in possession of.

Now I could look at interruptions as a bad thing or good thing, and being the Pollyanna that I am, I will obviously go for the good. I can’t help it and wouldn’t want to change even if I could. It is just my nature to find a silver lining in all circumstances and then cling to it for dear life. It brings me contentment, even when the darkness descends, and the Lord and I sit in my treacherous chair together, marveling at each kernel goodness He brings my way while we wait for the sun to shine again, and¬†guess what, it always does.

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I look at this drawing of my elephant of depression, and even he is happy. I suppose it is a good thing, this gift from God, this ability to find the joy in all the world has to throw at me. Even if it does sometimes annoy the heck out of those around me, but then again, I can see that as a good thing too ya know ūüėČ

Praise and thanksgiving to a good and holy God. May I continue to cling to Him through the good and the bad, for He is my rock and salvation.

‚̧ԳŹ Belinda

 

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A New Beginning

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Drawing by emily2jane

It is finally September, thus the colors of my mind will change. How I look forward to the warm, rich, deep colors of the beginning of a new year, which thankfully will replace the blinding bleaching brightness of the long hot summer. It is irrational I know, to let a change in the name of month have such a dramatic affect on my mood, but I prefer not to question this fancy of my imagination, not when it looks and feels so lovely, and yes, to me the end of August does close out a period of time. For September is a month of new beginnings.

Perhaps it was the thirteen year process of the school year while growing up. The putting away of summer clothes and laziness, and replacing them with new clothes and busyness. The excitement of seeing friends again, meeting your new teacher, and oh boy, the holidays to be celebrated with crafts and songs and dances, but most likely, best of all was the learning, the discovery of the new and unexplored, which gave me this appreciation of September, and therefore it will always ring in a new year for me, a time to try again amidst the blissfully delicious longings for apples and pencils, and crunchy leaves to walk upon.

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The Clutch of Stuff

I do not have “nice” things. This is has been a deliberate life style choice on my part, and not always without effort, for I like nice things, things with luster, depth and quality. However at some distant point in my life, I came to the realization that I never wanted to care more about my things than I do about the people in my life. So by assiduously avoiding indulgence, I have managed to cultivate the ability to shrug it off and move on when accidents happened and my possessions become marred or broken. I am not saying it is easy, for you can become quite fond of something just because of the longevity of its usefulness, but that sadness is one I can accept, it is cost factor shaming that I strove to eliminate.

I am not really sure why I started out this evening writing about things, unless of course it was my minds way of reminding me that I am not actually in reduced circumstances, even if at first glance, one might assume so in error.  For my riches are boundless, they are just not tangible in the sense that you can lay hands upon them and hold them tight. For they are in my relationships. Relationships with family, with friends, and with a good and loving God.

However, I have noticed a slow creep of don’t touch that accumulation happening in one area of my life, tools. For slowly over the years we have purchased many and sundry tools. They are expensive and finite in their¬†use, and replacing them would be cost prohibitive. It bothers me, this intrusion, and this¬†just won’t do. This clutching inability to share because of money.

Perhaps it is time to reevaluate. Perhaps it is time to grow and stretch my boundaries, to take a risk. Like maybe stepping out in faith that I will still put relationships first, even if it cost me dearly. For the way I have been approaching this conundrum of things vs people has truly been superficial and it’s about time I reached in deeper and let my heart grow several sizes too big, Lord willing that is.

‚̧ԳŹ Blessings Belinda

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August….sigh

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This wonderful old chair of mine is such a comfort come the end of the day. Yes it is treacherous, and devours my belongings and time in a gluttonously unacceptable manner, but I am okay with, wait maybe not okay, reconciled, to the loss. Especially in August. Hot long August; the month of sloth.

August is so appropriately named, really say it slowly and draw it out Auuuuuuuggggguuuusst. See, there is lots of angst and huffing and puffing in August.

September is not much better weather wise, but somehow, the popping up of apples and pumpkins, and the deep colors and calm I associate with fall, have me cutting September quite a bit of slack when it sizzles me to a crisp if I happen to forget, and foolishly venture out in the middle of the day.

Still, ¬†if I do manage to forget, or must go out, and the unavoidable heat induced exhaustion descends, my pal, my never complaining piece of poaching upholstery, is always waiting, quietly, patiently, to sooth and ease the steamy glowing crinkles from inside out. Oh yes, my chair brings comfort to the body and soul.¬†For it is where God finds me still ‚̧ԳŹ

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