Heavy Sigh………My point in making my thoughts so public was so that the people I know would read them, such as family, church congregation, the random friends I have tried to make over the years. I was hoping that if people were able to connect with the real me, I would be able to relax, for you see, I am unable to openly communicate when in the presence of others, my thoughts jumble, I begin to babble like a maniac out of shear terror. Yep, I am cripplingly shy, and when I say crippling, I mean debilitatingly crippling, and I am really not using the words lightly.
Well connection has not happened.
Before you dismiss, yes I have learned much about myself from this adventure, and yes I am much more comfortable with myself than before embarking, but those could have also been accomplished in a private journal.
Therefore I have failed in my primary mission,
I am still trapped inside myself, and maybe it would not have helped anyway, it was a crazy idea to start with, however, along the path of failure, I did discover that I enjoy writing just for writings sake, so it is time to cease my pity party and get on with it, but I must find a way to balance my desire to write with the undesirable need to talk to actual people, because as of now, I have banished them, for this.