I have said it before, and I am sure I will it say again, that it is the little things that drag you down and hold you under, but in the long run it’s how long you linger below the surface that makes the difference.
In the past, out of necessity, I really tried to live that out, by always picking up the pace and pushing upward to the next thing, regardless of the trivial little details left unfinished in my wake.
Unfortunately those free floating details have ended up being quite important to the big picture of my health. I just kept erroneously assuming that I would have the time to catch, and reel in all of my neglect. Still regret is pointless, and I have to deal with the now.
However it is funny how life works out, and humility almost always seems to be the lesson I need to learn. But I suppose that when the overarching insidious character flaw that dogs your steps is pride, it makes sense. For until this prickely quirk was beat down and bleeding out, I never needed to turn to God and ask for mercy.
When I started this missive this evening it was with the intention of compiling a list of the many things I have lost to my pride, but I don’t much care to go there again. What’s gone is gone, and besides I have already walked through that jungle in my mind today, and a dank and disagreeable place it is, truly. Instead I need to focus on what I can do to adjust to my new reality.
So with nothing left to lose and everything to gain, I finally comprehend the value of surrendering my will to the Lord. I have always been apprehensive, no be honest, afraid, in the past that I would be taken somewhere I would refuse to go, thus failure would ensue, hence my pride would be bruised, so I tightly held control and denied myself.
Well, a domino cascade of losses has finally managed to create a fissure wide enough to let the Light penetrate deep into my pride thickened skull, and enable the knowledge that God is good, I can trust Him, He will always have my back.
With any reflection at all I can easily recall the frequent displays of how He weaves all things together for my good, maybe they’re not comfortable, but they are without a doubt good. So I can let go, at last.
Now the hard part; Be still and know that I am God.