The Lovely Sound of Silence

Stevie was amused. She was currently “suffering” through another one of Todd’s punishments. Did he not realize that he was giving her a gift with his bountiful silence? Well, she for sure and certain was not going to clue him in. For without this pause in the endless litany of corrections and criticisms she might just lose her mind, and anyway, if she were to be truly honest with herself, there was pleasure to be received from knowing that to be silent was a thing that hurt Todd deep, thus this knowledge of his suffering and struggling to contain himself, while she was reveling, was a crinkle in her character which she would not despise, so she, without hesitation, indulged herself in this secret sin, reached out and embraced it in a high handed fashion, even as she knew perhaps she should not, for vengeance belonged to another, or so it has been said….

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Unfinished

Right about here I need to insert a few fist pumps and hip hip hurrahs! For unfinished happens to be one of my favorite states of being. I could not tell you why I have such a preference for the incomplete, it just is. I suppose it could be considered a flaw in my character, something I should be striving to correct, this habitual practice of mine to leave things hanging, waiting…..

And if I am going to be completely honest with myself, it is a deficit in my make up, because truly this predilection springs from the fact that I am easily bored and severely lacking in perseverance. I used to joke with the few acquaintances I have that God knew what he was doing when He gave me three children under the age of five, because being pulled simultaneously in so many opposing directions made it impossible to be bored, thus become inattentive, thus perhaps neglectful. Basically craziness saved me from myself.

Still, I …….

Sigh…..I was attempting to stay on target tonight…..hum, but as usual I received an always welcome visitor or two smack dab in the middle of this post…..hum.

Yep it’s gone. I guess this post is to be left unfinished just like all those unfinished projects which I live amoungst, and I must share that I don’t see them as failures, for if I enjoyed any moment that was spent on them, if they gave me any degree of pleasure in their doing, then perhaps that was their purpose. So I embrace what is, not what could be, and therefore they are as finished as they need to be for today. Besides, how lovely to have them there lurking, waiting, wanting, just in case.

Praise and thanksgiving to a good and holy God for weaving even my foibles and flaws into a beautiful pattern in my unfinished life.

❤️ Blessings Belinda

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My Baby’s Gone

 

We took him off to school last weekend in a mad dash rush, and now his absence is being felt by all. We took him for granted most of the time, for he was quiet and elusive. However at the same time, he was also available. He would drop what he was doing, and come lend a helping hand, or even take on the entire task himself. He has such a servant’s heart. Yes, he would deny such a thing emphatically, for recognition is not what he seeks, and I have discovered that the worst thing you could do, is to draw attention to him (like I am now, hehehe, but he doesn’t read this so I am safe).

So, it seems that I lost my train of thought when I paused to think about the Shoe Cobblers Brownies, and how if you thanked them they disappeared, and now alas, I cannot seem to get back to my original intent. I had somehow meant to wax lyrical over the photo above, which was taken along with his formal senior portrait, and sigh….is it not a photo for a mother to love. About how, in my limited experience, the change which happens the first semester away at college runs deep and irreversible. It is not a bad change, it is a good and wanted change. It is just that they are never your baby, your child, again. An independent adult man will come and visit me at Christmas.

And before you think that he is a so sweet and even tempered that he makes your teeth hurt, I must also insert the photo below, which in actuality, displays much more of his true nature, and now that I reflect, perhaps the Brownie analogy wouldn’t have been too far off base, because truly, a devilish imp he is, for sure and for certain.

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Day Book 14

Today I want to run away from home…sigh. However I don’t think it will be anymore successful than it was at ten. For I would load up my big white van named Bessie and mosey on down the street to places unknown, feeling oh so very adventurous, but then I suppose I would very quickly come to the realization that I really don’t want to sleep anywhere but in my own soft and fan blown bed. Also, let’s not forget the need of a good clean flushing toilet, with toilet paper of course, and then I would need to wash up, and baby wipes get old real fast; sticky too. So I perhaps it would end just the same as it did then, and I would come back dejected and defeated once the P B and J ran out.

Today though, fortunately, I feel that it would be safe to assume that, unlike then, someone would miss me this time, and that is what holds me here, the love, the caring, the being needed as well as wanted. So I must pause in my pondering, and interject that for those things, the love, needs, and cares, I would sleep anywhere, and be dirty, and cold, and hungry, and when you look at it that way, I have it made in the shade.

I best go unpack my bags.

Blessings Belinda

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Day Book 13

Well there is not much to say today. Perhaps for those who put credence in the bad luck of the number 13, you would shrug and murmur what else could I have expected. However, there has not been much to say for many days, and I am beginning to suspect that my prior cup runneth over months of having the words begging for escape, was possibly enabled by medication. Sigh….so sad. Not sad enough to continue pill popping just to have a bit of motivation, to perhaps be a bit more productive.

Still sigh……I have to admit that I do now and then, miss having the occasional coherent and linear thought…..heavy, heavy, sigh.

Well that was the bad for today, so now it is time for something good. Perhaps I will play with the daily prompt and sandwich some goodness between two bads, or perhaps not. It all depends on where this rambling post leads me, and as it seems fractured thoughts are are to be the norm, I find myself led to a bullet list.

So a few good things as of late:

  • I have started a fitness plan that is comprised of lists and plans which so suits me that I have lost 23 pounds. My goal is to lose no more than 1-2 pounds a week and not be hungry. Guess what! It is working. Now I do realize that in the past when I have told others of my intent to do something, it was a sure fire way to ensure its demise, but with this being my 13th day book post and all, I am going to go ahead and risk it.
  • ????

I was interrupted, delightfully so, by a constant stream of children and grandchildren who desired my attention towards whatever they had to share of their day, and have therefore, completely lost whatever slim train of thought I was tentatively in possession of.

Now I could look at interruptions as a bad thing or good thing, and being the Pollyanna that I am, I will obviously go for the good. I can’t help it and wouldn’t want to change even if I could. It is just my nature to find a silver lining in all circumstances and then cling to it for dear life. It brings me contentment, even when the darkness descends, and the Lord and I sit in my treacherous chair together, marveling at each kernel goodness He brings my way while we wait for the sun to shine again, and guess what, it always does.

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I look at this drawing of my elephant of depression, and even he is happy. I suppose it is a good thing, this gift from God, this ability to find the joy in all the world has to throw at me. Even if it does sometimes annoy the heck out of those around me, but then again, I can see that as a good thing too ya know 😉

Praise and thanksgiving to a good and holy God. May I continue to cling to Him through the good and the bad, for He is my rock and salvation.

❤️ Belinda

 

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A New Beginning

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Drawing by emily2jane

It is finally September, thus the colors of my mind will change. How I look forward to the warm, rich, deep colors of the beginning of a new year, which thankfully will replace the blinding bleaching brightness of the long hot summer. It is irrational I know, to let a change in the name of month have such a dramatic affect on my mood, but I prefer not to question this fancy of my imagination, not when it looks and feels so lovely, and yes, to me the end of August does close out a period of time. For September is a month of new beginnings.

Perhaps it was the thirteen year process of the school year while growing up. The putting away of summer clothes and laziness, and replacing them with new clothes and busyness. The excitement of seeing friends again, meeting your new teacher, and oh boy, the holidays to be celebrated with crafts and songs and dances, but most likely, best of all was the learning, the discovery of the new and unexplored, which gave me this appreciation of September, and therefore it will always ring in a new year for me, a time to try again amidst the blissfully delicious longings for apples and pencils, and crunchy leaves to walk upon.

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