Not Dead

Controversy kills me. I am curious regarding the physiology of it, but not enough to put in the effort required for satisfaction. Still, I am not clueless, I do know that I am chronically depressed, but on most days it is kept in check and I function quite nicely. However the way I manage this is to avoid the triggers that I am aware of, and one of them is getting upset.

Therefore, I work very hard to stay on an even keel, which is why I live in my own private bubble without television, radio, or pugnacious people, because for some reason these three things can manage to push me over the edge into the abyss of darkness, where debilitating fatigue and sadness smashes my soul.

Frequently though, the visitors that make it past the high and thorny barriers surrounding my bubble, do not understand why I am not willing to debate this, that, and sundry, and I find that I am less and less inclined to explain, not after so many years of failure, of being misunderstood, or scoffed at. It is easier to be perceived as uncaring. For yes, I am that egotistical.

Gosh golly gee wilikers, what a day this has been.

❤ Blessings Belinda

Ps. When I am worried about one of my children, I send a one word text, Dead. Then I proceed  to worry even more until I receive back, Not Dead. Of course, my wiseacre son sends back, Yes. 🙄

Standard

2 thoughts on “Not Dead

  1. I totally understand. If not for the Lord I would sink in despair. However, I cannot avoid the controversial matters of the day (or at least every other day), for I am a school bus driver, a pastor, and a blogger (and Facebook, sadly). I guess that’s why it doesn’t bother me so much when there is a big snow storm and all the power goes out for a while – peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am very much aware of how blessed I am to have such a small and sheltered territory I have to traverse everyday. It is truly the providence of God on display for me to see, and I can do nothing but be humbled by it, and offer praise and thanksgiving for His divine protection. Belinda

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s