I am not sure why I am always surprised by the arrival of its suffocating presence. It is not like I haven’t been visited by it time and time again over the decades. Still somehow I do manage to forget.
This is obviously for the best, for otherwise I would most likely be paralyzed with dread while waiting for the next time. Instead, I find myself being able to revel in the sunshine while it lasts, and give the dark matters absence, no never mind in the moment.
Well perhaps this is not entirely true, for I am finding that without even realizing it, I have been preparing for a more comfortable visit this time.
I have moved my chair to a western window which overlooks the rose garden, and the neighborhoods comings and goings, to better accommodate those many hours of pondering and listlessness I will be enjoying.
I have set up many small and manageable projects within reach of my chair for easy access when the desire to do sparks unexpectedly. For I have found to rise and muster the gumption to find and gather materials just isn’t going to happen.
I have also surrounded myself with many many books, particularly ones regarding the Lord God of all creation. Because He is the light that turns my voyage through the darkness into something more than nothing. Without Him I would have only despair and loneliness. Where now instead, I am loved…..sigh
Besides, I had a full year of sunshine and I will have another again soon. So this is what I will focus on and look forward to, but for now I will cozy into my treacherous chair and wait.