Sadness

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Yesterday, the deep immovable sadness emerged. I know it is just a chemical malfunction, and I am completely cognizant of the actual sweetness of my life. For I can see the shiny rays of it trying to bend around the blockage. Occasional one will make it round and manage to touch the surface of my being, but they are weakened from the struggle and unable to spark the desire to move.

So I wait.

Not alone.

Not overwhelmed.

For, The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul.

How is it possible to be so incredibly sad, and so full of peace and love and joy at the same time?

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7 thoughts on “Sadness

  1. I deal with similar challenges daily. I have wrestled with depression for nearly half of my life. The only way for me to keep walking day after day is to communicate with The Shepherd. I tell Him how I’m feeling and how much I long to be joyful even though I feel so heavy. I tell my brain to stop distorting reality and then I try to find someone or something else to help in order to get my mind of my feelings.

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    • A couple of years ago I tried a new approach to my sloggging through jello days, where instead of fighting against it, I relax and lean into it instead, and low and behold I found the Lord there waiting for me. Holding me close in the hard spots, keeping me afloat when I wanted to drown in self-pity. He is my rock. His joy and love balance out the false sorrow being produced by my out of whack system. What is interesting is that I learned to do this from those on WordPress that were willing to share their struggles. Like you for instance ❤️

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  2. I’ve been there.

    I have struggled with depression since childhood, going on and off of medications. Never ending cycle. I have also struggled with anxiety and a mild to moderate agoraphobia. I take it day by day. Having a creative outlet helps tremendously. I was creatively stagnant for years – putting other ideals and other people first – with pursuing a nursing career and raising babies. I suffered quite a bit during that time.

    I am fortunate now that I am able to devote some time to something that helps to relieve the tension of anxiety and channel the energies of depression into a socially acceptable form of expression. My husband is my rock. He’s the safety net that helps me feel safe enough to step out of my own head.

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    • Thank you for sharing. It makes such a difference to know that there are so many people out there dealing with the same struggles you are yourself. It helps me to get out of the rut of poor pitiful me and on to the path of finding solutions. Even if the solution is just the comfort to be found in not being alone. ❤️Belinda

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  3. My “Gray Time” descends and lifts with no warning. One day I am fine and the next, I am living in a bad B-movie where it is perpetually nighttime and peasoup foggy and I never see another person but I “hear” the mournful cries of the constant foghorns all around me. I feel nothing. Nothing excites me. I battle constant thoughts of dying and leaving this realm of “hell”. I tell myself that one day, I will wake up and poof, it will be gone again. But it can take months to leave. And everyday that I wake up, I am so disappointed not to have died in my sleep. I pray and beg God to release me from this body, that I so want to be in Heaven with him. I hear that still, small voice, reminding me that His plans for me are not complete and He NEEDS me, and only me, to fulfill them and that the moment they are finished I will be with him. But I still struggle until the morning I wake up with the sun shining, and the bluebirds singing over the rainbow and I can feel life back in my blood. I have no idea why this happens but it started after my daughter and only child got married but it has been 10 years now, so you would have thought I would have gotten over missing her by now!

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    • I wonder if the leaving and the onset are not coincidental, or maybe just the stress of the moment caused something inside to go awry, because it does seem that ten years would be long enough to adapt. However, regardless of why, a jello filled world is so very difficult to reside within, and there is often nothing you can do about it but wait….sigh

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