Day 26

It’s Wednesday. I am normally quite fond of Wednesdays, but today, no it actually began yesterday, time seems to be creeping forward in slow motion mode. If you had asked me on Monday whether I would have wanted such a change, I would have answered positively yes, because for as many years as I can remember, I haven’t had enough time to accomplish what needed to be done. I blinked and the day would be gone.

Now I set myself to a task, buckle down and get it done, with the expectation of it being hours later, however it is not even lunch time yet. So on to the next task, and what the heck, it’s still morning…. grrr. This goes on all day and night, even when I am sleeping, I wake up continually checking to see if it is time to get up. I gotta tell you, it’s exhausting!

Well this just won’t do. What happened to speedy time, and why didn’t I get this “gift” of slow time years ago, when my children were young and time was super sonic. So much so, that I cannot seem remember its passage at all.

Well grrrr grumble groan. It seems that no matter what, I am destined to be dissatisfied, and I find that completely unacceptable. So let’s see if I can turn this around and recenter my equilibrium. Perhaps a list of the potential positives of times pokey passage?

Humm? Is this really just a subconscious subterfuge to reach the need for a list?

Whatever……I’m game, because oh yes, a list!

1) The ability to focus has returned.  (Okay that’s good. This could be alright)

2) Having the time to pay attention to details. (This could be bad. After having spent years taming and subduing my perfectionist tendencies)

3) More time to ponder between tasks. (This is definitely good. Perhaps I will learn to look before I leap)

Well, that’s it I suppose. It is kinda ironic that I have plenty of time to continue if I so desired, but instead I am finding that with all this time running amuck without purpose around here, I have become bored beyond reason with everything.

So I end with Blessings Belinda

ps. I don’t think my attempt for equilibrium went so well 😑

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Waiting

I am so tired of waiting.

I keep trying to give myself a direction in which to wander,

But every time I start down an uncharted path, an obstacle appears.

An obstacle with a predetermined timeline for removal.

Thus I move on

Try a new path

Obstacle

Immoveable

Waiting

Repeat

It is like a very bad knock knock joke.

And I am just waiting for the punch line,

Orange you glad I’m not a banana.

I am so deeply tired of bananas.

Going Bananas, Being Bananas, Second Bananas.

😳 😖 😑

Waiting……..sigh

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Ooooh, Ahhhh, Shiny

My daughters future mother in law held a very nice bridal shower for her this last week end. The food and company was tops. Her home is spacious and comfortable, but still, I couldn’t help thinking as I looked around at everyone’s restrained and sedate demeanor that on the inside they all were going like this.

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I know I was, and I did hear a few whispers of having anniversary showers by the older ladies in the crowd. And why not? I am sure they have given their share of gifts over the years, and who doesn’t want a new vegetable grater now and then.

I personally would go for a new set of matching anything.

Well maybe no, because upon contemplation, I do kinda like my mismatched, hodge podge, surprise me belongings just the way they are. For the may be tattered and used, slightly cracked or patched back together, but they have history and stories to tell, just as my daughters shiny new things will someday.

So I guess we could have anniversary showers, and gather together to oooh and ahhh over the treasures one as accumulated over the course of a marriage. It might be truly fun, and revitalizing to have a show and tell.

Hum……I wonder🤔

Nah, it wouldn’t work, because often ones treasures may glisten and glimmer with sparkles of love for them, but to others, they just look like a pile of junk.

Sigh….I think I will  have to pass on that possible public spectacle if I want to keep my illusions of grandeur.

Still, with that in mind, I now wish upon my daughter the happiness of a day far in future, when all her shiny new things have transformed into a radiant pile of junk.

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It moved me Bob

“For the dark places of the earth are full of the haunts of cruelty.”

No reason for the above quote from proverbs other than the truth of it just resonates deep for me. I guess because it makes me so very thankful for grace; to be living in the light.

For the Spirit of light is a constant within, softly illuminating, no matter how thick the surround of darkness.

Nevertheless, it is time to make some changes in my life, because for far too long I have been pinioned by my fears.

The fear of being lost and alone in the unknown,

The fear of the cruelty of humanity,

The abject fear of failure.

Then just the other day, the consideration of non-existence skittered across my mind. Briefly yes, but shocking nonetheless.

At first I laughed, then I cried, what can I say, it moved me Bob 🍅

This has never happened consciously before, and I truly have no intention or desire to end my sojourn here on earth, but still, I cannot, and should not, ignore this anomaly.

Thus it is time.

For I am ready.

I am willing.

I am wanting.

I am not sure how.

I am not sure where.

But I must, and buts are the pivots of life.

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