50:24 To what are you addicted?
There was a time I would have answered the likes upon this blog. I was obsessed and checking the stats constantly. Then my son and I were talking one day about addiction to smart phones because of the dopamine loop.
Well the light bulb came on and I made the connection to my behavior, and I was really far gone by this time. Even to the point of randomly waking up in the middle of the night, and the first thing that would pop into my mind was to check how my latest post was doing.
This was just not acceptable. So I would delete all followers, remove likes and comments, and walk away from the whole thing in extreme frustration.
However then I would realize that I was keeping myself from two activities I really enjoy; reading and writing with an interactive audience. This was also unacceptable.
Anyway, now that I am aware of the connection I am more careful, and if from time to time I find I am fixating upon it too much, I make my blog private until the need for a fix dissipates to nothingness.
Not the best of solutions, but with an obsessive personality like mine, necessary.
Besides if I really wanted to write about an addiction I cannot seem to tame, I could write a novel on stress eating for comfort, because that is where the real demons in my life lie.
And they’re killing me inch by excessive inch….sigh.
The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
50:24 What will be your Facebook status of next year?
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” James 4:13-15
I rest in the above verse. It is such a comfort from the Lord. Because no matter where I am at any given moment, it is exactly where the Lord wants me to be. However I also cannot let myself hide behind it, and thus not give some attention to the future.
Unfortunately my attention does tend toward obsession. So I find I must consciously, day after day, moment after moment, remember I am not in charge of the world, and relinquish my all unto the Lord just to keep myself sane.
Well that is the big picture reason I don’t have an intended status for the future, but on a much less grand and perhaps pitiful reason, lurks the fear of failure. For you see, if I keep myself small, and hopefully invisible, my failures reside with only me, personal and private.
I suppose this plan wouldn’t work well if I wanted recognition of my successes, but I don’t. I guess I am egotistical that way. For as long as I know, and of course the Lord knows, I am quite content with that status quo.
Because you see, when I do something successful and it is recognized like the award below, all of sudden everything changes. People are looking, and in my book that is an opening for outside expectations to creep in, which most likely will awaken the competitive monster I have with great effort chained to the bottom of my mind, and if it is let lose to run amok amidst the flowers, it most certainly will ruin everything.
Now to many this just seems like pure foolishness and they are probably right, because when I received the letter telling us we had been chosen for the honor I was tinkled pink with delight. Even when I realized I had to go to an award dinner and such. So it is only the sign that has me in this state of discombobulation.
For I am truly proud of all the hard work my family has put into making a small little bit of paradise for me to enjoy, and I am wanting them to continue, but gosh golly almighty, that sign is agitating my tightly bound monster, and I will be so happy to see it gone.
I need to be invisible again.
Sigh…is that selfish or what?
Well yes, but also honest, and at this stage of life, I am going to go with honesty every time if given a choice.
YIKES! am I becoming one of those grumpy old ladies that says what she thinks regardless of others just because it’s true.
I need to rethink this a bit?
So I will just bite my tongue and let others enjoy the flowers too.
But I cannot say that I won’t be secretly cringing under yonder rock until they leave.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. James 3:9-10
50:23 Explain how to do something your good at.
“…”But what I like doing best is Nothing.” “How do you do Nothing?” asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time. “Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it, What are you going to do Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and you go and do it.” “Oh, I see,” said Pooh. “This is a nothing sort of thing that we’re doing right now.” “Oh, I see,” said Pooh again. “It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear and not bothering.” “Oh!” said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
My visitors from the North are departing today ☹️
However, it has been a lovely visit, and I am ever so thankful that Miss Happiness’s daddy was willing to part with his family for the last nine days. So, I will temper my sadness with the knowing of how excited he will be to have them home again.
“There was a day when many of the Israelites found themselves in bondage in Babylon. There was a king of Babylon by the name of Nebuchadnezzar, you read about him a good deal in the book of Daniel, and it stands as an epic that will remain stenciled on the mental sheets of unfolding generations. […]