50:24 What will be your Facebook status of next year?
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” James 4:13-15
I rest in the above verse. It is such a comfort from the Lord. Because no matter where I am at any given moment, it is exactly where the Lord wants me to be. However I also cannot let myself hide behind it, and thus not give some attention to the future.
Unfortunately my attention does tend toward obsession. So I find I must consciously, day after day, moment after moment, remember I am not in charge of the world, and relinquish my all unto the Lord just to keep myself sane.
Well that is the big picture reason I don’t have an intended status for the future, but on a much less grand and perhaps pitiful reason, lurks the fear of failure. For you see, if I keep myself small, and hopefully invisible, my failures reside with only me, personal and private.
I suppose this plan wouldn’t work well if I wanted recognition of my successes, but I don’t. I guess I am egotistical that way. For as long as I know, and of course the Lord knows, I am quite content with that status quo.
Because you see, when I do something successful and it is recognized like the award below, all of sudden everything changes. People are looking, and in my book that is an opening for outside expectations to creep in, which most likely will awaken the competitive monster I have with great effort chained to the bottom of my mind, and if it is let lose to run amok amidst the flowers, it most certainly will ruin everything.
Now to many this just seems like pure foolishness and they are probably right, because when I received the letter telling us we had been chosen for the honor I was tinkled pink with delight. Even when I realized I had to go to an award dinner and such. So it is only the sign that has me in this state of discombobulation.
For I am truly proud of all the hard work my family has put into making a small little bit of paradise for me to enjoy, and I am wanting them to continue, but gosh golly almighty, that sign is agitating my tightly bound monster, and I will be so happy to see it gone.
I need to be invisible again.
Sigh…is that selfish or what?
Well yes, but also honest, and at this stage of life, I am going to go with honesty every time if given a choice.
YIKES! am I becoming one of those grumpy old ladies that says what she thinks regardless of others just because it’s true.
I need to rethink this a bit?
So I will just bite my tongue and let others enjoy the flowers too.
But I cannot say that I won’t be secretly cringing under yonder rock until they leave.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. James 3:9-10