Designs by Beckalodious


Today I spend the evening at an art walk with my daughter. These art shows were typically a ready made opportunity for me to people watch and create fantastical stories of their life for my own enjoyment.

However with my daughter’s increasing skill in her jewelry art, these shows are now busy occasions with many sales and actual, rather than imaginary, interactions with real live people.

This is a really good thing considering my current state of unemployment, and additionally, I am as proud a mama as is possible. Especially when I see such photos as above, with a sampling of her sterling silver flowers, where each individual petal is hand cut and formed.

I just wish I wasn’t smack dab in the middle of a fibro flare, because I’m not going to be much more than a warm body in a chair this evening.

My daughter assures me that just my simple presence is helpful, and I know that she is not just blowing smoke with those words, so disappointing her is not a problem.

No, I am the problem, for even after 25 years with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, I have not reconciled my perceived self to my limitations, and I let this irrationality influence my opinion of myself in unhelpful negative ways…sigh.

As always though, I know I can find restoration with the Lord. He sees me as I am, not as I think I should be, and pours in His love beyond measure to fill in the gaps I have left hanging wide open from a desire to be other than I am.

I guess you could say that feasting upon His word daily plumps me up enough to smooth out the rough edges of being human.

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation. — Isaiah 12:3




The weight of the darkness is tempting me.

My body tingles so from its constriction.

I want so desperately to burrow in.

For to let it squash me smaller still.

Thus slip unnoticed back to Quiet.

Waiting hungrily for my return.

Within the camouflaged corners of my mind.




A Repurposed Life


I am waiting,

In a lost and found box.

Facing daily a dilemma.

Do I settle beneath the fabric of misplaced expectations,

Or turn the time to treasure.

For such a cloak I could embellish with the gold and silver tears of my mistakes and my successes.

Thus when the moment of my release,

Is ultimately thrust upon me.

I would be able to don this magic cape,

And a little wiser fly away.

Wrapped safely in the glittering folds,

Of a life repurposed.




So Cal Summer agrees to my plans and cooperates.


It is time to thin the Irises. When I read about when and how to do this, everything said August. Well if you live in Southern California, August is about the last month you would want to do any serious work in the yard, so I was dreading the task.


And we have lots and lots of irises. When we initially planted we had a basket of bulbs we had dug out of an overcrowded, neglected, and sunless bed on the East side of the house. Then in my infinite wisdom about plants, (meaning none) I had my daughter put one here, and one there, kinda willy nilly, figuring let’s see what happens.


Well three years later those few have become many! I could not be more pleased, but once you have the super bloom, which we did this year, they have to be dug up, thinned and replanted. IN AUGUST!


In August the yard looks like this, and even more so. Definitely not easily accessible….sigh


I am going to tackle it, somehow. For not only do I want the irises to keep blooming, which they won’t if they are crowded, I also want to create a delineation between the grass and the wildness with a fence of irises. If only to keep the postal workers from tromping through the plants.

Thankfully the weather is cooperating. It was hotter this morning for Little Miss Happiness of the North, than it was for me in Southern California. Go figure, but I am good with it, no complaining here.

All I can say is, you messy plants better get outta the way, for I’m armed with my shovel again!