To the Joy

Lately I have been finding prayer difficult and stumbling. For as I call upon the Lord with the desires of my heart, and I truly want these thing for His glory, or at least I believe I do, I realize that they are also for my personal satisfaction. So then I question whether or not I am being sincere with my prayers, or whether I am being manipulative asking for something because it will bring God glory, while simultaneously wanting it for myself.

Of course then I realize that God knows my deepest thoughts and hidden secrets, so thinking I could manipulate Him is laughable. The thing is, I am being sincere, as best as I can consciously tell, and all of this doubt has me stumbling around, second guessing everything.

Then with the help of the Holy Spirit, it occurred to me that perhaps what is happening here is that my desires have lined up with God’s, and what I am desiring is because I want it too, and not because of intentional obedience. I cannot remember ever being here before, and all I can say is how sweet it is; what joy there is in this alignment!

Of course being me, I could not just leave this joy alone, no I needed to dig in and see what could have caused this much desired change, and I think it comes from just one small adjustment in my walk with the Lord. I put obedience before trust.

Obedience grows trust. Trust provides peace. Peace provides humility.

Humility: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance or rank.

So if I have peace it is because I am resting under the cover of God’s protection. He then becomes the most important thing in my life. Thus why wouldn’t I want to submit to His will and bring Him glory?

This has not happened easily for me. I have spent too many wasted years looking for trust before I would obey, not knowing that through obedience first, I would learn to let go of my pride, my fear, myself.

For not once when obeying with blind faith, has the Lord let me crash and burn. I can trust Him without fail. I just needed to get my alignment right and willingly submit to His wisdom.

We sing: Trust and obey, there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Why not: Obey and trust, there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to obey and trust.

Yes, it doesn’t sound right to our ears, but that’s what blind obedience sometimes is, doing the thing that seems out of whack to our limited senses, just because God told us to; for He is always right, and always will be.

Obedience comes easier now with trust, and in obedience I can align myself, my desires, to His will, which brings peace, rest, and an absence of fear, and when this happens, I can with complete trust, surrender my all to Him.

So now when He says trust Me, I can only hope to have finally given up on the hard road of self-reliance and pain, and instead will follow Him without hesitation down the paths of His leading, to the joy.




12 thoughts on “To the Joy

    • That feeling of abandonment by God is one I am all too familiar with. I had given up on Him and stayed as far away as possible from scripture, quiet time, and prayer, because it all seemed so futile. I knew intellectually that God would never leave or forsake, but I was letting myself get in the way of open communication. Then I read something somewhere that encouraged me to get back in the Word regardless of whether it felt like an empty exercise, and to start a prayer journal to keep my focus, to write down everything regardless of its gravitas. (I tended to start reviewing my to do list when I felt alone in my head) Well The journal was extremely helpful when I would review it and come across answered prayers I had long forgotten about. Boy was I ecstatic, He was listening.

      But the thing is, it is a relationship, and relationships have their ups and downs, and because I know that God is faithful, when things get quiet, it is time to examine myself, but most importantly, stay in the Word. Pray the Word. Write out the Word. has a great monthly scripture writing thingy that I have found particularly helpful to start my morning devotionals.

      And yes some mornings are dry and I feel like I am just going through the motions, but God’s words are never empty and without benefit. He is there listening, always. And the days I quiet my mind enough to hear Him whispering back are the best.

      So I am sorry, I don’t really have an answer to your question.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Before I started keeping a prayer journal, I too felt like I was talking to the ceiling, so I get that. And to be completely honest there are more days than I want to count when it still feels like that, but the good ones…..sigh, they are worth the tenacity of faithfulness.

      Anyway, because of the journal I was able to go back in time and see answered prayers, and then it so excited me that I began to pray throughout the day and would often see immediate answers. Well now I am so thankful to a good and gracious God that I try to stay in constant communication. I want Him in my every thought and not because of what He can give me but because, well….He is GOD, and what else can I do but worship Him. Thus the closer I can get to Him the more content I become.❤️

      This is not to say everything is peaceful and peachy keen, no I spent all last week wrestling with Him regarding obedience and the nature of trust. It was exhausting. I did not want to post something so personal as this post or some of the others He has had His way with, and so being the imperfect creation that I am, I went on hiatus and tried to ignore Him. That never goes well, you think I would learn, but no….

      Well I did finally listen and write it, but then panicked and made my blog private. Of course that is so hypocritical of me considering I had just posted that I had finally learned how to trust the Lord’s leading.

      We are all works in progress, and failure is part of the process I guess.

      Liked by 2 people

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