“My son, eat honey because it is good,
And the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste;
So shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul;
If you have found it, there is a prospect,
And your hope will not be cut off.”
I have had several hard hits recently to the fairytale future I had constructed in my mind. With the first blow I rolled with it, and told myself that nothing had actually changed between yesterday and today except knowledge; true logically, but not emotionally.
However with the second and third blow, my sparkly castle crumbled into dust, and I withdrew, wallowed in the debris, whilst trying ineffectually, thank the Lord, to bury myself with chocolate, despair, and anger.
For you see, I had lost my hope, and I was angry with myself, and God, for letting me hope in the first place. I began lashing out against all and sundry. Having a temper tantrum to be exact. Planning to cut off my nose to spite my face. Thinking well if I can’t have that, then I am not going to do this or this or this. Sigh….so foolish.
Thankfully I had withdrawn from my family and was in hiding in my bed while this hissy fit occurred. Otherwise I would have caused more damage and havoc then I can or want to imagine. Phew, I dodged a bullet there, thank you Lord for keeping my anger focused on You and me only.
Well now that I have recovered with my faith and love of the Lord intact, ready to face a new reality which in all honesty is not that much different than before I built my castle in the sand, I find that I am not stronger because of this adversity, no actually I am weaker and poorer than before, thus more dependent on the Lord.
I am slowly recovering my hope. However this time I will strive with all my heart to let it be in the Lord, and not my circumstances. I will fail again and again I know, but the Lord is my rear guard, my frontal attack, my all around hedge of protection. He will in His mercy and lovingkindness, not let me fall away into darkness for longer than it takes to accomplish His good works.
I can say with confidence that by keeping my focus on the light of His Word throughout this battle with my childish self, it saved me from doing any lasting harm, (the chocolate pounds can be lost 🙄), to my already difficult enough circumstances.
”Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Amen & Amen ❤️Belinda