themomfred came about when I began my entry into the virtual world of cyberspace, where usernames are required. It seemed innocuous at the time. However as time moved on it became offensive to me. It was a stark reminder of how adrift and floundering I let my sense of self become. I had let myself be lost, under crushing responsibility, undivided love, and fear.
I had hidden myself so well that even I couldn’t find the Belinda that was. I had become solely The mom of the Freds. My children become my only purpose in life and this needed to change. For what a burden it is to be loved so intensely and single-minded, to be the reason for another’s happiness and well being. Only God can carry this for you, thus I had made my children my god.
Well, God is good and He has drawn me back to Himself. The more I learn about Him the more I discover about myself. That is not to say all is perfect and complete. No, I am still adrift and floundering, and not at all sure of my place in this world. But I came to realize that I am a new creation, the old me was surely gone for good, so I stopped looking for her. Instead I begun the hard work of putting aside fear, and have reached out towards the present me who has put the Lord where He belongs, first in her heart.
So recently when I was considering changing my blog name, I hesitated and did not, because it is my Ebeneezer. My reminder that Christ is my all in all, and can handle the burden of me, and most importantly, wants to. Additionally, it has given me a healthy embracing love to give my children, instead of a smothering needy sucking black hole that crushes anyone or thing that comes close to its closed system.
Rather, love is infinite and unique, the more I give away, the more I let others love me, the more I have. How gloriously exciting it must be for God to love the whole world.
“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” ~Philippians 1:9-11~