34. Are you viewed by others as you really are?
Hummm…..most likely not. Seeing as how I often view myself in one extreme or the other, between a delusional Pollyanna or a grumpy old doubter. And if I have trouble finding my real self, how can I expect others to look behind the curtain.
Realistically there must be observant people who do see beyond our public presentations. But I am willing to admit that I am too absorbed in my own life to want to be attuned to the nuances of anyone but those near and dear to me, and I cannot even be sure I know them truly, because of the bias and history I bring into the relationship.
So I am sure there will be some of you out there getting a clear picture of who I am, because of your impartial view, but the very fact of your distance, which provides your impartiality, puts you in a position of relatively minor influence.
But is this true? Words do have power.
For even though we are mostly silently peeking into the lives of each other here on WordPress, this is not necessarily a bad thing on the whole. For I know it provides to me the much needed service of seeing life through eyes of someone else. More often than not, someone in an environment completely foreign to me. Thus giving opportunity for expansion to my limited worldview. Perhaps the initial drip which begins the ripple of a tide of change.
Anyway, I suppose when I think about being the person that others think I am, I run up against the fact that I am not a static person with set in stone opinions. I like to think I am growing and changing constantly. That the seeking out of fresh and different perspectives is a necessity to prevent stagnation, or the wallowing in the despair of regret.
For my life experience has been narrow for the most part. Yes, there have been far too many painfully bad experiences which have left an enormous amount of baggage I am still working through, and will most likely never fully unpack.
And if I didn’t have the ability to see how others dealt with their life events, I would have only my own limited view to make sense of it all, and frequently your own view is too fresh to seek answers within.
Sigh, I am rambling. I wanted to answer simply that because I am a person of fluid opinions, what you think you know of me today, or yesterday, might not be the same tomorrow. It is not that I change my mind too easily or capriciously, but I like to think I am open to new ideas, and I am not afraid to admit to myself and others that I was wrong.
Maybe this is why I spend so much time alone and don’t seem to fit in anywhere. People tend to group together with like minded individuals, and someone who constantly questions and pushes against the status quo can be an uncomfortable addition to the herd.
Besides, I am claustrophobic with trouble coloring inside the lines. So I don’t do well when it comes to herd mentality anyway. That sounds bitter, but that’s not my intention. Just my acceptance of my limitations.
I blame, without rancor, my parents who instilled into their children from a very young age to always question everything, including authority and the socially accepted norms, even theirs. I have made my peace with it, and can now say I am glad they did, but it can be a very lonely
I often think that because I don’t like to be pinned down to one viewpoint, I must come across as wishy washy and unstable. Drifting along with the wind, lost in an endless sea of change. In my past life this would have been true, because it must have been that way. Well that is until I slammed up against the rock to which now I cling.
My Lord, Jesus Christ. His Word is my anchor.
Gosh golly, I it turns out I was wrong when I started writing this and assumed that what you see in me today will not be what you get tomorrow; this is not truth.
For I am in Christ and it is His light that is constant and unchanging within me. A light which cannot be hidden. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He promised. He is faithful. He is forever. Unlike me who can change her view after just 800 words or so.
Ever thankful will I be for the Lord’s steadfastness, for it allows me the freedom to flounder and learn something new without fear, because He is my lifeline back to truth if I get to far off course. He will never let me go. Thus a part of His flock I will forever and endlessly happily be.
“You are the light of the world.” Matthew 5:14
And are is a state of being.