Vanity

“When I gave my heart to know wisdom and to see the task which has been done on the earth (even though one should never sleep day or night), and I saw every work of God, I concluded that man cannot discover the work which has been done under the sun. Even though man should seek laboriously, he will not discover; and though the wise man should say, “I know,” he cannot discover.” Ecclesiastes 8:16-17

How fitting to have a crisis of purpose of the search for knowledge of God while reading Ecclesiastes.

“I tested all this with wisdom, and I said, “I will be wise,” but it was far from me. What has been is remote and exceedingly mysterious. Who can discover it? I directed my mind to know, to investigate and to seek wisdom and an explanation, and to know the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness.” Ecclesiastes 7:23-25

It doesn’t help that I am desperately depressed. It took me some time to discern the return of my long lost companion of darkness, for it has been quite some time since he came to visit. So long in fact that I had forgotten that the mind numbing hopelessness that accompanies his presence needs to be acknowledged for what it is, corralled, and offered space to exist as a guest, and guest only, or there is no chance of his departure in a timely manner. I cannot not let him move in and get comfortable.

So now with the realization of the return of my visitor, I am once again able to see more clearly. Thus the tackling, binding, and banishment of my desire to chuck everything and run away from home (read not exist) has begun.

“Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, “You are certainly God’s Son!” Matthew 14:28-33

Jesus Immediately stretched out His hand, not in time, but immediately! Why did I let this truth slip away? He has been holding my hand and comforting me continuously. I will not go under, ever. He’s got me tight.

He took me back to the first post I wrote for this blog, when I was so lost I didn’t even know myself, and upon the reading it again so many years later, I awakened to the knowledge of His constancy. He drove deep into my heart the security of His everlasting presence in my life.

And yes, the vanity of searching for the unknowable, and the instruction to do so anyways. Once again a paradox, but walking with God is a paradox always. This must be accepted.

For satisfaction is only to be found in the vain labor of trying to know the unknowable God, and in the seeking to intentionally acknowledge God’s presence, to feel Him, to receive His comfort and love in the renewal of my mind and strength of purpose.

I find I must seek love, not pride of mind.

Intimacy, not knowledge.

Except knowledge facilitates intimacy, so knowledge must be sought.

Just not knowledge for knowledges sake, but knowledge for a deeper, sweeter, touch of the Lord.

*****

“Thou art all my good in times of peace,

my only support in days of trouble,

my one sufficiency when life shall end”

Valley of Vision

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Careful


“Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.” Ezekiel 36:26-27

I noted with comfort that God does all the heavy lifting:

I will give

I will remove 

I will put and cause 

Only then does he say:

you will be careful.

I am to be full of care ❤️

Careful of God, first and foremost

Careful of my neighbor as God Cares for me.

Synonyms for careful: watchful, circumspect, meticulous, discerning., conscientious, thoughtful, concerned, solicitous, attentive, heedful, regardful.

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Behold

“But where can wisdom be found?

And where is the place of understanding?

Man does not know its value,

Nor is it found in the land of the living.

The deep says, ‘It is not in me’;

And the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’

It cannot be purchased for gold,

Nor can silver be weighed for its price.

It cannot be valued in the gold of Ophir,

In precious onyx or sapphire.

Neither gold nor crystal can equal it,

Nor can it be exchanged for jewelry of fine gold.

No mention shall be made of coral or quartz,

For the price of wisdom is above rubies.

The topaz of Ethiopia cannot equal it,

Nor can it be valued in pure gold.

“From where then does wisdom come?

And where is the place of understanding?

It is hidden from the eyes of all living,

And concealed from the birds of the air.

Destruction and Death say,

‘We have heard a report about it with our ears.’

God understands its way,

And He knows its place.

For He looks to the ends of the earth,

And sees under the whole heavens,

To establish a weight for the wind,

And apportion the waters by measure.

When He made a law for the rain,

And a path for the thunderbolt,

Then He saw wisdom and declared it;

He prepared it, indeed, He searched it out.

And to man He said,

‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom,

And to depart from evil is understanding.’ ”

Job 28:12-28

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God is good 🌸

“Oh, that my words were written!
Oh, that they were inscribed in a book!
That they were engraved on a rock
With an iron pen and lead, forever!
For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God,
Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!”

Job 19:23-27

🌸🌸🌸

”At the point of Job’s greatest despair, his faith appeared at its highest as he confidently affirmed that God was his Redeemer. He wanted that confidence in the record for all to know. Job wished that the activities of his life were put into words and “inscribed in granite,” so all would know that he had not sinned to the magnitude of his suffering. God granted his prayer.” ~John MacArthur

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Clockwork

Every February 1st, like clockwork, we have our first daffodil. And what I find exciting about this one is that it popped up in an unexpected place; a place no daffodils have dared to go before.

So I’m thinking, maybe just maybe, it is a harbinger of future adventure and unexpected joy.

Of course nothing is the same as it was, good and bad. I can point out, if I was inclined, many and sundry changes that covid has brought to bear upon my life, and so far I am one of the lucky ones, for the scales are balanced between sorrow and joy because I choose to see it that way.

Anyway, today I am looking to the future, and desire to chart a course through it. To stop thinking about what was, and go and be what I dared not consider possible precovid.

Why not?

The world has permanently changed and there is nothing to do about it but change with it.

So I choose joy!

To look for it in the unexpected, unexplored places set before me.

For God is good, and this all I need to bring with me as I go seeking.

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