Surprising to me I am thankful for losing my health care for a year. It turns out that by losing it, I have been set free.
For so many years I was held a prisoner in my job to keep my health insurance because of preexisting conditions, and by the time the preexisting conditions thing was lifted, I continued to feel bound to my insurance because of particularly bad health.
Then I lost my job and thus lost my insurance, however it was better than fine, because that job was killing me and causing the need for much medication and treatment. Once the stress was removed, I had time to take care of myself, and better health bloomed forth.
Actually, my current state of my health is not what I am thankful about regarding the loss of my insurance. It is that once I was given a new job and got my insurance back and I was thinking things couldn’t be better, I then developed a fairly serious issue that needed diagnoses and treatment. And over the course of the last year every step of the journey through my insurance carrier to get care has been a nightmarish soul sucking fiasco. I have been put off, transferred forwarded, cancelled, and ignored. I had one doctor tell me if the pain, and the shouldn’t be there stuff, hadn’t killed me yet, I should be relieved…sigh.
But the thing is, that was the only honest or helpful thing I had been told in months.
When it, all of this what ever it is started, I was smack dap in the center of brutal round of depression, and to be honest the thought of heaven was more than quite appealing and getting help more work than I wanted to roust myself to do, but I have family that cares.
Well a few months ago I couldn’t do it anymore, and gave up the struggle after once again being shuffled off to another department, and then this department gave me the routine three month wait for yet again another consultation appointment. Nope, I was done, finished.
The best possible thing arose from my relinquishment of trying to control the process. The Lord stepped into the space, the void of hopelessness I had left open for Him, to offer me the opportunity to ask Him for healing and comfort. He very politely let me know that my path forward wasn’t for me to create, but for Him to create.
My fear, my desire for answers, went away when I let Him take the lead. I am His and He is mine and His will be done was and is enough for me.
I don’t want you to think I have given up on medical care, I haven’t. The Lord provided medical care and it would smack of hubris not to accept His gift. I just don’t rely on it more than I rely on Him.
There is more power in prayer than any possible treatment or medication out there. And that is not to say that when I pray He won’t lead me to a health care provided solution. He might, or He might not. He might choose to heal me Himself, or He might not. It doesn’t matter in the end, all that matters is that I trust Him.
Oh, and regarding the undiagnosed stuff that shouldn’t be there, it is still waiting for resolution. I went to that three month out appointment and was then referred to another department with, wait for it, a three month wait time for consultation of why I am there 🙂
And God willing I will go to it without having to be concerned that they give me resolution. They will or they wont, I have faith in the ultimate goodness of God. I rest in His providence.
And like the only helpful doctor said, I haven’t died yet so why sweat it.
The Lord is good and His mercies endure forever.