Day by Day

Also known as trust in the steadfast love of God.

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Around one year ago the life I had so painstakingly crafted came crashing down, and with hindsight it is transparently obvious that it had been built upon the sand, devoid of any reliance upon God.

So, to say it has been a difficult year emotionally and financially would be putting it mildly, however spiritually it has been the best year of my life, thus if given the choice of a do over, I like to think I would still choose the Lord’s path of demolition over the stagnant pool of hope I had been bobbing along in for too many years.

For the Lord and I are on a journey, a journey of discovery, discovery of the death of self.

It all began with my complete confidence that the Lord had my back, that I was centered in His will and exactly where I was supposed to be, this was and is a lovely uplifting feeling, so I wasn’t worried, but jubilant about the new opportunities I was facing. For if I was where God wanted me than I assumed He had a use and plan for me that would unfold and lead me into a land of milk and honey; to not necessarily a large life, just a knowable secure one. I was confident that everything would be fine.

Wow what hubris. It was still all about me. What was God’s will for MY life rather than simply, what is God’s will, and then me humbling myself to rest within it.

The thing is as the year has unfolded every real need which has arisen has been met in unforeseen ways. For my reality has been that no matter how much I tried to map out a plan for the future, it was impossible to get beyond a month or two without my household falling off the cliff into financial ruin, but we never have. Our needs have been met in ways which can only be attributed to being a God thing.

I continue to apply for jobs, but they have not been forthcoming. I am also incredible thankful  God has begun closing doors quickly which He would not have me go through, so I am not being strung out hoping for the hopeless.

I am though being offered short term opportunities which patch holes here and there and keep the envelope pushed out to the two month window we have been dealing with for a while. And the thing is the Lord prepared me for this, because having managed the cash flow for a failing company for way too many years, I know those two months are a gift and a manageable time to work within.

Anyway, I was working on one of my Bible studies the other day which talked about direction and destination, and how when going somewhere new alone you want to have the complete map in front of you as you travel, letting you know what each twist and turn is going to be. As opposed to going with a fellow traveler who has been to your destination before. How you really don’t need to know beyond the next turn as long as they are with you.

Well, that is what I have with the Lord. As long as He is with me I only need to be concerned about today, to stay centered in His will today, because He knows where my tomorrow will lead. I just need to trust Him and He will get me to His destination in His own predestined time.

The plus side of staying centered in God’s will one day at a time, is that after a life time of centered days, I will have been exactly where I needed to be. Which is something that would be impossible for me if I had to try to encompass into my thoughts a lifetime of centered days, nope, not possible. Whereas one day maybe is just doable with His help.

Well, after this quite comforting time of communion with the Lord, He doubled down on His goodness and reaffirmed to me that I had not misunderstood what I thought He was telling me. For a servant of the Lord at my daughter’s church gave us a thousand dollars which doubled our window of doom to hover at a four month window rather than two. Such excess, such bounty!

I am over the roof with joy, not only for the necessary and much much appreciated funds, but to have such confirmation in the goodness and faithfulness of God so immediately upon His suggestion that I stop trying to fix the world myself, but rather to trust, and let Him do it for me.

Day by day, hour by hour, breath by breath, He leads, I follow.

So I was correct in believing that everything will be fine, maybe not in what I expected or even wanted, but exceedingly much more than fine nonetheless.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.

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50:27 Frequently asked Question

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themomfred?

themomfred came about when I began my entry into the virtual world of cyberspace, where usernames are required. It seemed innocuous at the time. However as time moved on it became offensive to me. It was a stark reminder of how adrift and floundering I let my sense of self become. I had let myself be lost, under crushing responsibility, undivided love, and fear.

I had hidden myself so well that even I couldn’t find the Belinda that was. I had become solely The mom of the Freds. My children become my only purpose in life and this needed to change. For what a burden it is to be loved so intensely and single-minded, to be the reason for another’s happiness and well being. Only God can carry this for you, thus I had made my children my god.

Well, God is good and He has drawn me back to Himself. The more I learn about Him the more I discover about myself. That is not to say all is perfect and complete. No, I am still adrift and floundering, and not at all sure of my place in this world. But I came to realize that I am a new creation, the old me was surely gone for good, so I stopped looking for her. Instead I begun the hard work of putting aside fear, and have reached out towards the present me who has put the Lord where He belongs, first in her heart.

So recently when I was considering changing my blog name, I hesitated and did not, because it is my Ebeneezer. My reminder that Christ is my all in all, and can handle the burden of me, and most importantly, wants to. Additionally, it has given me a healthy embracing love to give my children, instead of a smothering needy sucking black hole that crushes anyone or thing that comes close to its closed system.

Rather, love is infinite and unique, the more I give away, the more I let others love me, the more I have. How gloriously exciting it must be for God to love the whole world.

Blessings Belinda

“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” ~Philippians 1:9-11~

 

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A Good Father Provides

“But I have trusted in Your mercy;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

 I will sing to the Lord,

 Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”  Psalm 13:5-6

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Because He has dealt bountifully with me!!!

And He has, which is why sometimes I feel ungrateful to continue asking for more. This of course is wrong, but it can hinder my prayers nonetheless, even if subconsciously. I am so glad the Lord knows my deepest heart.

And that kind of drip drip dripping doubt of selfishness, unworthiness, or greed, is why I loved a Facebook post I saw the other day.

It went something like: When God planned my life, He factored in my stupid.

What a comforting thought. I can use it to dry up that incessant drip of foolishness.

For a good father provides to the utmost of his ability and possessions.

And the Good Lord has no limitations when it comes to giving, everything is His.

So there is no such thing as being greedy when it comes to the prayers of His children.

How lovely……sigh,

I love you Abba.

 

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Put on Love

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Colossians 3:12-14

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Good Timing and God’s Timing

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One of my kids posted this picture for national siblings day. Who knew there was such a thing as siblings day? Not me, I ignored all six of mine, but they expect that from me, and I wouldn’t want to risk their health with the shock, I am nice that way.

Anyway, it got me thinking about all the years I felt God was not answering prayers. Those many years I wanted out of the job I was doing. And to be honest it made me angry that I was stuck in such a morass of stress with no means of escape that I could humanly fathom. The only way I was ever going to able break free would have to be through divine intervention, which never happened. So I was not only angry with God, life, the world in general, but I was also disheartened by my lack of commitment to consistent prayer, because it seemed so pointless.

Well, as I know now, and even knew then, but couldn’t see because of self pity, crushing worry, and puny faith, is that answers to prayer are not always clear and obvious in the moment. It sometimes takes time for the answer to make sense, especially when God gives you what you need not what you ask for. Those kind of answers usually need some distance and perspective to appreciate.

For as I enjoyed this picture of my children and grandchild, it came to me what good timing it is that I lost my job in this moment of my life, rather than in the ones for which I had been fervently praying. Because as of just this winter, all of my children are independent from me. Self sufficient, happy believers. I am now in the dessert years of my life.

Okay, that last thought made me go warm and fuzzy all over, but that is not where I thought I was going. I really started out tonight to write about this new phenomenon I am experiencing. Where I feel centered, surrounded, in the will of God during what should be a disaster for my life. This losing of my job, and potentially my home, at the age of 58 with no one to rely upon but the Lord, but it just feels right, like I am resting in the eye of the storm, calm and protected.

This is not to say I am not freaking out a bit as I try to understand what this means. Perhaps it is something I shouldn’t admit to, for it displays how out of touch I must have spent all those previous years, but it is what it is, and all I can say is that I am terrified, and full of blissful peace at the same time. I suppose because there really is no such thing as simple good timing or luck, only God’s timing, which means He wants me exactly where I am in this exact moment.

Why be afraid? Snort fest, I am always afraid. Still, now is the time to be the strongest I have ever been, and let go of the fear and have faith, because however things work out, getting the best job ever or becoming indigent, it is His will and He has a reason.

Because the Lord has never let me down before. After every hard and painful time in my life, something good or useful has always come out of it. And I just pray today, that I can keep this perspective, hold on in faith, and continue to wait with great expectation for what comes next.

I just need to be patient and eventually, maybe God willing, I will be able look back and see His handiwork in the patterns of my life once again. And if it is anything like His past work, what a beauty that will be to behold.

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