50:31 Hither and Yon

50:31 Random thoughts of today.

Well let’s see, this could be a list right? I love lists!

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So if I let my mind wander one of the easiest things that I trip upon is that Little Miss Happiness is now a year old. It seems like a life time ago that I was up North helping my daughter with the birth of her first child. There were also many firsts for me that Christmas: falling snow, bone chilling cold, and colorless winter landscape. Very unlike this photo I took few days ago while I was on my daily walk here in California.

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I never appreciated the temperate weather here in Southern California until I spent a Winter month in Montana. It wasn’t so much the snow that was problematic, but the ice. I am so used to being able to go out for a walk whenever I want, and the icy sidewalks in Montana were a deterrent to wandering and adventure.

For I like nothing better than to go out for a long walk and weave stories in my mind about all I see. Not only did I miss the mental stimulation of imagination, but the miles I try to walk each day, help to stave off my depression, so unfortunately by the end of my visit my mind was in a very bad way. But all things have a silver lining and mine would be the appreciation of what I have, for there is no place like home.

Which leads me to another thought for the day, limitations. I might have reached the point of little return for effort expended in regards to my Rheumatoid Arthritis. Not that I am giving up, or not going to try and beat this thing back into submission, but the thing has flipped on me.

Instead of having short periods of illness followed by extensive periods of almost wellness, I am now dealing with very short periods of almost wellness, which are being surrounded by, and almost swallowed by, painful and limiting periods of illness. Even walking has become a trial. This is going to take some getting used to, and I am very much in need of medical advice, but without income, or insurance, this is not going to happen any time soon.

Well I can see that these random thoughts are not going to be a list, because lists should have a theme, an overarching purpose, and my thoughts definitely do not. They sometimes will go hither and yon before circling back into a sort of connectedness, but I don’t think this is going to be one of those times.

Anyway, this morning while wandering through the many means I use to hold my prone to wander focus on the knowledge of the Lord, I came across some written words which were contemplating trials and the proper response to them. The advice given was that one shouldn’t pray to be delivered from the trial, but rather only for the endurance to bear them, thus one would suffer like Christ and then be more Christlike.

Hum….Uh, no, I don’t think so.

Yes, we live in a fallen world, full of sorrow, heartache, and pain. I am not denying this, and I do pray constantly for endurance, strength, peace, joy, and that I will reach the other end of whatever the days, the weeks, the years, trial with my faith intact. But I also pray fervently with deep moaning and gut wrenching pleading, that if it is possible, please, please please remove the thorns from my live. Please!!!!!!!

Lord willing. But pray for removal of trials I do and should. If I didn’t, would I not be limiting God, not trusting in His goodness and promise to do what is best?

Sometimes His best is through suffering, but I also believe that sometimes His best is through deliverance and restoration. So I will continue to pray for restoration and deliverance, but if He doesn’t, I will love Him no less.

If this was a list? Maybe:

  • Celebrate life, look for the smiles.
  • Be thankful for what you have, the grass is not always greener.
  • Make the best of a bad situation, some one thing can always be improved upon.
  • Push back against limitations.
  • Trust God, and ask ask ask without ceasing!
  • Jesus is our finisher, we cannot fail.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

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Praying Psalm 143

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Hear my prayer, O Lord,

Give ear to my supplications!

In Your faithfulness answer me,

And in Your righteousness.

Do not enter into judgment with Your servant,

For in Your sight no one living is righteous.

 

For the enemy has persecuted my soul;

He has crushed my life to the ground;

He has made me dwell in darkness,

Like those who have long been dead.

Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;

My heart within me is distressed.

 

I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all Your works;

I muse on the work of Your hands.

I spread out my hands to You;

My soul longs for You like a thirsty land.

 

Answer me speedily, O Lord;

My spirit fails!

Do not hide Your face from me,

Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.

Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,

For in You do I trust;

Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,

For I lift up my soul to You.

 

Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies;

In You I take shelter.

Teach me to do Your will,

For You are my God;

Your Spirit is good.

Lead me in the land of uprightness.

 

Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake!

For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.

In Your mercy cut off my enemies,

And destroy all those who afflict my soul;

For I am Your servant.

Amen and Amen

Belinda

 

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Jobless?

I walked out of work yesterday not sure if I was coming back.

The answer is most likely yes, for I am severely lacking in courage.

Thankfully I have a couple of weeks vacation to try to find some.

But gosh golly gee willikers are my knees going to be sore.

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You Just Never Know

“I’m remembering a quote that said that if all the prayers I ever prayed consisted of “Help,” “Thanks,” and “Wow,” I’d be doing alright.”

I read these words tonight over at Ragamuffingospelfan’s Blog and they hit the nail right on the head for me. For this is my prayer life in a nutshell. Maybe not something I would want to admit in some circles, but I have never claimed perfection, and long and lengthy prayers are so very darn hard for me to focus on. Not sure why, it just is what it is. However, I can keep a running commentary of help Lord, thanks Lord and wow Lord, going on all day, but still quiet devoted intercessory prayer……no. I tend to wander off into the corners of my mind and pick through the days unfulfilled dreams and desires, or perhaps unfortunately, the day’s discards and lost opportunities. Thus a set aside time of prayer for me tends to turn into self-indulgent navel gazing instead.

I love how so often, it is the small unexpected encounters with another’s words and ideas that can make such a difference in one’s own life. Like for instance tonight, recognizing that I have been trying to approach and encounter prayer in a manner which is all wrong for me, and instead of feeling like a selfish failure in this aspect of my Christian walk, I should embrace prayer where I am today, what I do well today, what works for me today, rather than continuing to strive after a one size fits all approach, where I am trying to fit myself into a rhythm and mold that squeezes me mercilessly, until all my joy runs out onto the floor and evaporates.

Then tonight, lo and behold, in my face, is the answer. I’m doing alright, because you know what, there is no definable right way, only the way which connects you with the Holy Spirit within, and only you can find that path. It is an individual thing.

So wow Lord I am so awestruck by Your ability to weave my needs into the works of others and lead me to them!

Thank you Lord for this peace filled day.

Lord please give comfort and help to all those in need, and please open the eyes of those still stifled by darkness and show them Your glory!

Please Lord let this post be pleasing to You and bring You glory.

That is easy, this I can do without ceasing ❤️

It is amazing Lord, this gift You have given us. This ability to learn. I gotta tell ya Lord. It rocks!

Blessings Belinda

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