Undependable Me

Well it’s the 10th of November and I don’t know if I am going to post about my thankfulness journey again today. For the Lord has been taking me deep with fruitful results, therefore the editing for public consumption is not only difficult, but is reducing the results to nonsense, unless I naval gaze and let the lint spill out.

However, I have been reading a book that has grown on me the further along I get. I just had to get over the initial annoyance of it being written as a “woman’s book” rather than just as a good book.

This is a pet peeve of mine. Why do women do this, men don’t. Women get all chatty, and personal, like I wouldn’t enjoy their book unless I knew their favorite color, or whether they hate those lonely friendless women out there who like to go all out for others.

Well then again, here I am being all chatty and catty regarding her writing style, so maybe I’ll just shut up now and type some comforting and humbling excerpts.

The book is called None Like Him by Jen Wilkin

Our God is a God of no needs.

God is in fact: a self-contained source of perpetual and perfect sustenance.

He created everything, nothing He created could possibly be needful to Him for His existence. If it were, then like Him it would have always existed. Our God is self-sufficient, needed by all, needful of nothing.

Praise God that His plans do not rely on my faithfulness, His joy doesn’t hinge on my good behavior, His glory doesn’t depend on my performance. I stumble along chasing my own agendas and plotting my own ends, occasionally offering Him the reverence He is perpetually due. He is unruffled and unharmed by my inconsistency. He is pleased to be glorified either through me or in spite of me, but He does not need me in the least. And yet He loves me, deeply eternally, for no other reason than “according to the good pleasure of His will (Eph.1:3-6).

Standard

Thank You Lord

“It is not our job to be original, but to worship the Origin of All Things.”

~Jen Wilkins

“Furthermore, we are free to rely on God when our hope for a relationship or situation has dwindled to nothing. Remember, our Creator-God specializes in bringing something from nothing.

We cannot create hope where there is hopelessness, or love where there is lovelessness. We cannot create repentance where there is unrepentance, but we can cry out to the God who can.

In the first great act of creation, God miraculously rendered something from nothing. And He rejoices to continue that work in human hearts.

God may restore a broken relationship or circumstance, or He may simply restore hope to you in their midst. Not everything will be made new in this lifetime, but His promise to grow us in the fruit of the Spirit means we can know abundant life whether relationships and circumstances heal or not.”

~Jen Wilkins, None Like Him

Standard

Thankful #5

He has given me the desire to know, the ability to marvel, and to experience Him.

🌸🌸🌸

“Thou hast given me understanding to compass the earth, measure the sun, moon, stars, universe, but above all to know Thee, the only true God. I marvel that the finite can know the infinite, here a little, afterwards in full-orbed truth; Now I know but a small portion of what I shall know, here in part, there in perfection, here a glimpse, there a glory. To enjoy Thee is life eternal, and to enjoy is to know. Keep me in the freedom of experiencing Thy salvation continually.”

~Valley of Vision

Standard

Thankful #4

A Day of Sunshine in My Soul ❤️

God is good and His mercies endure forever

*******

“Although the world is full of suffering it is also full of the overcoming of it…. Believe, when you are unhappy there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain.

~Helen Keller

Standard

Thankful #3

Photo by emily2jane

Surprising to me I am thankful for losing my health care for a year. It turns out that by losing it, I have been set free.

For so many years I was held a prisoner in my job to keep my health insurance because of preexisting conditions, and by the time the preexisting conditions thing was lifted, I continued to feel bound to my insurance because of particularly bad health.

Then I lost my job and thus lost my insurance, however it was better than fine, because that job was killing me and causing the need for much medication and treatment. Once the stress was removed, I had time to take care of myself, and better health bloomed forth.

Actually, my current state of my health is not what I am thankful about regarding the loss of my insurance. It is that once I was given a new job and got my insurance back and I was thinking things couldn’t be better, I then developed a fairly serious issue that needed diagnoses and treatment. And over the course of the last year every step of the journey through my insurance carrier to get care has been a nightmarish soul sucking fiasco. I have been put off, transferred forwarded, cancelled, and ignored. I had one doctor tell me if the pain, and the shouldn’t be there stuff, hadn’t killed me yet, I should be relieved…sigh.

But the thing is, that was the only honest or helpful thing I had been told in months.

When it, all of this what ever it is started, I was smack dap in the center of brutal round of depression, and to be honest the thought of heaven was more than quite appealing and getting help more work than I wanted to roust myself to do, but I have family that cares.

Well a few months ago I couldn’t do it anymore, and gave up the struggle after once again being shuffled off to another department, and then this department gave me the routine three month wait for yet again another consultation appointment. Nope, I was done, finished.

The best possible thing arose from my relinquishment of trying to control the process. The Lord stepped into the space, the void of hopelessness I had left open for Him, to offer me the opportunity to ask Him for healing and comfort. He very politely let me know that my path forward wasn’t for me to create, but for Him to create.

My fear, my desire for answers, went away when I let Him take the lead. I am His and He is mine and His will be done was and is enough for me.

I don’t want you to think I have given up on medical care, I haven’t. The Lord provided medical care and it would smack of hubris not to accept His gift. I just don’t rely on it more than I rely on Him.

There is more power in prayer than any possible treatment or medication out there. And that is not to say that when I pray He won’t lead me to a health care provided solution. He might, or He might not. He might choose to heal me Himself, or He might not. It doesn’t matter in the end, all that matters is that I trust Him.

Oh, and regarding the undiagnosed stuff that shouldn’t be there, it is still waiting for resolution. I went to that three month out appointment and was then referred to another department with, wait for it, a three month wait time for consultation of why I am there 🙂

And God willing I will go to it without having to be concerned that they give me resolution. They will or they wont, I have faith in the ultimate goodness of God. I rest in His providence.

And like the only helpful doctor said, I haven’t died yet so why sweat it.

The Lord is good and His mercies endure forever.

Standard

11/9/19 Beauty

D16CD50C-7882-4D95-B248-707D9B8DDA12

I am constantly bowled over by the loveliness of creation. It cannot be captured or adequately describe, but rather must be experienced first hand.

I am brought up short by it, and my heart begins to ache with longing for the Lord.

AD2777CE-E6F1-4E56-95EC-527236996F15

The violets are blooming. Today I need to take the time to pick them so that I can inhale their heavenly scent throughout the night, throughout the darkness, and remember what is to come.

Lord, today I thank you for the reminders you have provided for us, living promises of your goodness and glory.

“For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.“ ~Psalm 107:9

 

Standard

A Good Father Provides

“But I have trusted in Your mercy;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

 I will sing to the Lord,

 Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”  Psalm 13:5-6

1E393A25-F5A7-42A3-BEF8-3EBEE35DBF50

Because He has dealt bountifully with me!!!

And He has, which is why sometimes I feel ungrateful to continue asking for more. This of course is wrong, but it can hinder my prayers nonetheless, even if subconsciously. I am so glad the Lord knows my deepest heart.

And that kind of drip drip dripping doubt of selfishness, unworthiness, or greed, is why I loved a Facebook post I saw the other day.

It went something like: When God planned my life, He factored in my stupid.

What a comforting thought. I can use it to dry up that incessant drip of foolishness.

For a good father provides to the utmost of his ability and possessions.

And the Good Lord has no limitations when it comes to giving, everything is His.

So there is no such thing as being greedy when it comes to the prayers of His children.

How lovely……sigh,

I love you Abba.

 

Standard

Moment

Every moment of every day, and currently, I am the most grateful for is this moment right now, and then I will be the most grateful for the next moment to come, whether it be good or bad, because the compilation of these moments are God’s gift to me; my life with its complementary composite of joy and sadness, for one without the other is much much less than the sum of the whole. So I praise a good gracious God for all my moments, and consider each one to be precious and worthy of notice.

image

 

Standard